"Long Gone" by Bryan Adams

What is UP, Dialophiles? Tonight, the ever lovin’ Radio Dial beams a signal to your PC, laptop, phone, tablet, or whatever crazy miracle device you use, containing a totally classic cut from nearly three decades hence. Get ready to rock out with Bryan Adams and his 1985 track “Long Gone”!

“The telephone’s been ringin’… ringin’ off the wall… It’s your Las Vegas lawyer, another long distance call. He says you get the house and the car… and I get the clothes I got on.”

Written by Adams and long time collaborator Jim Vallance, Long Gone is a humorous track about various emotions and situations surrounding a bitter divorce. At first, Adams’ feels relief and euphoria at the conclusion of his marital union. He even appears fine with giving his “ex” pretty much every possession shared between them, just as long as she is out of his life.

However, by the second verse, Bryan pines for reconciliation, as he attempts to call his former flame to assure her that his feelings were genuine, even while admitting that her own feelings for him may have not been.

“Operator, get me Manhattan… get my baby on the line…Sooner, or later… she’s gotta realize… That all my feelings were for real… but maybe she was leadin’ me on…”

The third and final verse lists a few more items she got in the divorce (the Frigidaire, his favorite chair), and condemns the whole process as a “legal crime”, before ending with the uneasy statement that “in a matter of time, she’ll be back for the rest of me”.

If this exact song had been written today, I suspect these final lyrics would be significantly different. Instead of mentioning the fridge and a chair, perhaps we’d be singing along to something like…

“She took the iPhone 6, my ’15 Prius, people say she got the best of me…
She got my Xbox One… I know that she’s not done… she’ll be back for the rest of me.”

(okay, okay, so it’s not great art… I’m just having a little fun here!)

In the cinematic tour de force South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, the Canadian Minister of Movies (not a real Parliamentary position, BTW…) claims that the Canadian government has apologized for Bryan Adams on several occasions. I can only assume this refers to Adams’ trend toward schmaltzy soft rock in the ‘90s, something that also plagued rockers Rod Stewart and Elton John in the same decade.

But back in '85, he delivered some of the strongest power pop/rock this side of Springsteen. His Reckless LP was packed with hit after monster hit... “One Night Love Affair”... “Run To You”... “Heaven”... “Somebody”... “Summer of '69”... and the Tina Turner duet “It’s Only Love”. Maybe it was because the LP had already produced six singles that A&M (Adams’ record label) declined to release a seventh, but “Long Gone” is by far the best of Reckless’ album tracks, and it would have been interesting to note where it would have charted had it gotten a push at radio.

So give it a spin, Dialophiles! Be sure to let us know if you agree that Bryan’s ode to messy divorces deserved to be heard on America’s airwaves, as opposed to being overlooked and largely… well… long, long, long gone.

“Yeah… now she’s GONE! Long long long long gone! Now I’m a happy boy, yeah!”

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