"Long Gone" by Bryan Adams

What is UP, Dialophiles? Tonight, the ever lovin’ Radio Dial beams a signal to your PC, laptop, phone, tablet, or whatever crazy miracle device you use, containing a totally classic cut from nearly three decades hence. Get ready to rock out with Bryan Adams and his 1985 track “Long Gone”!

“The telephone’s been ringin’… ringin’ off the wall… It’s your Las Vegas lawyer, another long distance call. He says you get the house and the car… and I get the clothes I got on.”

Written by Adams and long time collaborator Jim Vallance, Long Gone is a humorous track about various emotions and situations surrounding a bitter divorce. At first, Adams’ feels relief and euphoria at the conclusion of his marital union. He even appears fine with giving his “ex” pretty much every possession shared between them, just as long as she is out of his life.

However, by the second verse, Bryan pines for reconciliation, as he attempts to call his former flame to assure her that his feelings were genuine, even while admitting that her own feelings for him may have not been.

“Operator, get me Manhattan… get my baby on the line…Sooner, or later… she’s gotta realize… That all my feelings were for real… but maybe she was leadin’ me on…”

The third and final verse lists a few more items she got in the divorce (the Frigidaire, his favorite chair), and condemns the whole process as a “legal crime”, before ending with the uneasy statement that “in a matter of time, she’ll be back for the rest of me”.

If this exact song had been written today, I suspect these final lyrics would be significantly different. Instead of mentioning the fridge and a chair, perhaps we’d be singing along to something like…

“She took the iPhone 6, my ’15 Prius, people say she got the best of me…
She got my Xbox One… I know that she’s not done… she’ll be back for the rest of me.”

(okay, okay, so it’s not great art… I’m just having a little fun here!)

In the cinematic tour de force South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, the Canadian Minister of Movies (not a real Parliamentary position, BTW…) claims that the Canadian government has apologized for Bryan Adams on several occasions. I can only assume this refers to Adams’ trend toward schmaltzy soft rock in the ‘90s, something that also plagued rockers Rod Stewart and Elton John in the same decade.

But back in '85, he delivered some of the strongest power pop/rock this side of Springsteen. His Reckless LP was packed with hit after monster hit... “One Night Love Affair”... “Run To You”... “Heaven”... “Somebody”... “Summer of '69”... and the Tina Turner duet “It’s Only Love”. Maybe it was because the LP had already produced six singles that A&M (Adams’ record label) declined to release a seventh, but “Long Gone” is by far the best of Reckless’ album tracks, and it would have been interesting to note where it would have charted had it gotten a push at radio.

So give it a spin, Dialophiles! Be sure to let us know if you agree that Bryan’s ode to messy divorces deserved to be heard on America’s airwaves, as opposed to being overlooked and largely… well… long, long, long gone.

“Yeah… now she’s GONE! Long long long long gone! Now I’m a happy boy, yeah!”

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"The Other Woman" by Ray Parker Jr.

Happy Halloween weekend, Dialophiles! 

As the spooky season winds down, make sure to check out the Dial’s latest signal, a top ten smash from ’82 that has spirited away from current radio playlists. A song that interestingly enough, sports a fairly elaborate horror themed music video, nearly two years before the iconic “Thriller”. Give it up for Mr. Ray Parker Jr., and “The Other Woman”!

“I’m just… the average guy. I fooled around a little on the side… Never thought it would amount to much…”

Following a lucrative career as a studio musician in the ‘70s, where his musical chops can be heard on recordings by Stevie Wonder, Aretha Franklin, The Spinners, and Barry White’s Love Unlimited Orchestra (among many others), Parker formed the R&B/disco group Raydio with Arnell Carmichael, Vincent Bonham, and Jerry Knight, later of the 1983 hit “Breakin… There’s No Stopping Us”.

Raydio released four LPs from 1978 through 1981 on a yearly basis, all of which were certified gold. Three singles (“Jack and Jill”, “You Can’t Change That”, and “A Woman Needs Love (Just Like You Do)” peaked in the pop top 10, and even more placed well on the R&B charts. However, all good things must come to an end, and Raydio disbanded in late 1981, opening the door for Ray to begin his solo career.

“Now I know the rules of the game… you hit it once, then break away clean… I should have never gone back, I know…”

His first solo jam released to radio (not Raydio…) “The Other Woman” served as the title track from Ray’s same named LP, and peaked at #4 on the Billboard Hot 100 in late spring of ‘82. Parker’s next big hit was 83’s “I Still Can’t Get Over Loving You”, a silky smooth mid-tempo #12 hit, then came his signature song, the three-week chart topping “Ghostbusters”. You may have heard of it. I think there was some sort of movie by the same name as well…

Anyway, TOW deals with a rather risqué topic, the thrill of seeing a lover on the side, and the risk of getting caught being unfaithful. Throughout the song, Parker admits he’s wrong, but he revels in the deception, explaining that he hates to cheat, but it feels better when he sneaks!

“Ohhhh… this affair is unique. All my life I never met such a freak. She keeps me going strong for so long… when I get home, it’s all gone. Makes me want to grab my guitar… and play with it all night long”

TOW is worth noting for its original campy horror video which features a rising corpse, a gothic castle with Frankenstein’s Monster as a doorman, a weird potato-headed humanoid that loves to boogie down staircases, and some sort of undead saxophone player! Also, the actual “other woman” depicted here is a vampiress, who successfully plants a bite on Parker’s neck, right after he wraps up the first verse! Count Parker Jr?

I also enjoy how Parker’s first girlfriend pursues him to the castle to rescue her man, but bolts once she realizes what a freaky scene he’s gotten himself into! The admittedly low budget video predates MJ’s legendary “Thriller” by a over year, which makes me wonder if TOW had any influence, even slight, on Michael’s masterpiece.

Supposedly, this video was rarely seen because MTV had an issue with showing an interracial romance, even one of the tongue-in-cheek horror homage variety. The more commonly seen video (and less imaginative) clip shows Ray singing with a starfield projected behind him.

Now, in tying together my two main passions, ‘80s music and ‘80s arcades (yes, there is a connection here…), I recall spending a Saturday afternoon with my Uncle Artie in a local video arcade, in which I was mainly playing the hot new game of the time, Ms. Pac-Man. This arcade had a sound system cranking out the hot hits of the day, and at one point, TOW started blasting over the speakers.

In my arcade loving innocence, I started imagining that Ms. Pac herself WAS the other woman being sung about… as if Ray was spending less time with his girlfriend in order to play the arcade game! Hey, Buckner & Garcia’s “Pac-Man Fever”, a song all about one man’s addiction to the original dot gobbling game hit its chart peak (US #9) a month or so before, so it made perfect sense to my eight-year-old mind, that TOW could have had a similar interpretation!

Yeah, it’s a little embarrassing (but amusing) to relate that story now, but whenever I hear TOW nowadays, even though I well know what the song is REALLY about, I still get brief “flashbacks” to that day in that arcade, playing Ms. Pac to my heart’s content. And that’s always worth a smile, and perhaps a bouncing pretzel or two.

“I’m in Love… with the other woman… my life was fine… ‘til she blew my mind… Somebody HELP ME!”